The Year of Sorrow

Part oneTwo deaths in one season

For three years the clan of the Prophet ﷺ, the Banu Hashim, and their kin the Banu Abdul-Muttalib had lived under boycott in a narrow valley on the edge of Makkah. When the boycott ended, around 619 CE, the families walked home thin and tired. The worst was still ahead.

Abu Talib fell ill first. He was the uncle who had taken in the Prophet ﷺ as a boy of eight, after the death of his grandfather Abdul-Muttalib. Since the call became public he had stood between his nephew and every threat, for close to ten years. When the leaders of the Quraysh came to him offering a bright young man of their own in exchange for his nephew, to be dealt with as they pleased, he sent them away. He told them they were asking him to feed their child while he handed over his own to be killed. He never accepted Islam, but he never gave his nephew up either.

As Abu Talib lay dying, the Prophet ﷺ sat beside him and asked him to say the declaration of faith, so that he could plead for him before Allah. Abu Jahl and another man of the Quraysh were in the room. They reminded the old man of the religion of his father Abdul-Muttalib, and he died on that. The Prophet ﷺ grieved for him deeply. The Quran says that guidance is in Allah's hands alone, and that even a messenger cannot place it in the heart of someone he loves.

From the hadith

Narrated Sa`id bin Al-Musaiyab from his father:

When the time of the death of Abu Talib approached, Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) went to him and found Abu Jahl bin Hisham and `Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya bin Al-Mughira by his side. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said to Abu Talib, "O uncle! Say: None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, a sentence with which I shall be a witness (i.e. argue) for you before Allah. Abu Jahl and `Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya said, "O Abu Talib! Are you going to denounce the religion of `Abdul Muttalib?" Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) kept on inviting Abu Talib to say it (i.e. 'None has the right to be worshipped but Allah') while they (Abu Jahl and `Abdullah) kept on repeating their statement till Abu Talib said as his last statement that he was on the religion of `Abdul Muttalib and refused to say, 'None has the right to be worshipped but Allah.' (Then Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "I will keep on asking Allah's forgiveness for you unless I am forbidden (by Allah) to do so." So Allah revealed (the verse) concerning him (i.e. It is not fitting for the Prophet (ﷺ) and those who believe that they should invoke (Allah) for forgiveness for pagans even though they be of kin, after it has become clear to them that they are companions of the fire (9.113).

From the Quran

إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِى مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَهْدِى مَن يَشَآءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ ۝٥٦

You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided.

The Prophet ﷺ said he would keep asking forgiveness for his uncle until he was told not to. Then a verse of Surah at-Tawbah was revealed telling the Prophet ﷺ and the believers not to ask forgiveness for those who died associating partners with Allah, even if they were close relatives. His love for his uncle was never forbidden. Only the prayer for forgiveness was.

Then Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) died, within days or weeks of Abu Talib. Accounts differ on the exact gap, but most place her death second. She had been the first person to believe. On the night he came down from the cave of Hira shaken by the first revelation, it was Khadijah who wrapped him in a cloak, steadied him, and took him to her cousin Waraqa. In the years after that she gave her wealth to the new faith, endured the boycott beside him, and raised their daughters through it all. She was about sixty-five when she died, and they had been married for about twenty-five years.

She was buried at al-Hajun, on the northern edge of Makkah. The Prophet ﷺ never stopped speaking of her. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), who married him later and never met Khadijah, said she was never as jealous of any other wife, because he remembered Khadijah so often and so kindly. He kept sending gifts to her friends long after she was gone. When Aisha once said that Allah had given him better than that old woman, he answered that Allah had not: Khadijah believed in him when others disbelieved, trusted him when others called him a liar, and shared her wealth with him when others held theirs back. He named her among the best women of all time, alongside Maryam, Asiyah and his daughter Fatimah. Jibril (peace be upon him) had once come to him while Khadijah was on her way with food, and told him to give her greetings of peace from her Lord and the good news of a house in Paradise, where there is no noise and no hardship. That news was part of what he held on to now.

Part twoWithout a protector

The people of Makkah noticed at once. In Arabia there was no police force and no court that a man could count on. What kept a person safe was his clan, because harming him meant a feud with every one of his relatives. Abu Talib's word had held that line around the Prophet ﷺ for years. Now he was gone, and the leaders of the Quraysh no longer had to think twice.

Among the elders left in the clan was Abu Lahab, who had opposed his nephew from the start. The insults that once came from a few great men began to come from everyone, and young men and even children joined in. The Prophet ﷺ later said that the Quraysh could do nothing that really hurt him until Abu Talib died. One day a man threw dust over his head in the street. He walked home with it still on him, and his daughter Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) washed it off, weeping as she did. He comforted her and told her not to cry, because Allah would protect her father.

His household also needed care. Not long after Khadijah's death, he married Sawdah bint Zam'ah (may Allah be pleased with her), a widow from among the early believers, who helped to look after his children. It was a quiet kindness on both sides at a bleak time.

Think of how much had gone in so short a time. The uncle who shielded him was gone, and so was the wife who steadied him. The home that had been the quiet centre of his life was suddenly empty, and he was nearly fifty. People later called this season the Year of Sorrow, and the name has stayed because there is no softer word for it.

He did not stop calling people to Allah. Ten years into the mission, the believers in Makkah were few, and the city's leaders had made up their minds. He began to look beyond the Quraysh. If his own tribe would not open its gates, perhaps another town would. His thoughts turned to Ta'if, a cool hill town in the mountains to the south-east, and he set out for it.

The uncle who shielded him was gone, and so was the wife who steadied him.

More on How to Muslim

• guide.howtomuslim.orgDuas for emotionsDuas for grief and loss.

WatchLectures for this chapter

Lecture Towards EternityO Messenger, Ep. 4: No Food, No Mercy to the Prophet's Family (opens on YouTube)

Lecture Islamic GuidanceAbu Talib And Khadijah Die (Seerah of Muhammad, part 34) (opens on YouTube)

The mapWhere it happened

• Makkah
• the valley of Abu Talib
• al-Hajun
• Ta'if

This map is a simple sketch to help you picture where events took place. Positions, distances and borders are approximate, so please use it for reference only, not as an accurate map.

SourcesSources for this chapter